So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
