i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
