You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
