he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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