Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just invented taco cereal.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
