I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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