Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You are a genius and a whore.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
