Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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