I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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