i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
