I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
