Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
