I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
