i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize