just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
