I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
