i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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