Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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