Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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