the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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