Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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