Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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