I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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