So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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