she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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