got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
