this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
