I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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