i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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