I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
