Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
