I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just threw up on my dentist
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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