my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
