I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
