My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
