I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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