Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
