I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
third nipple confirmed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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