Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
