He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
