Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
