Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
