As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
