i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
