I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
