: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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