She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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