Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we're making bets on your personal life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize