Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
