The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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