Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
be right there i have to get my cape
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
