You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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