I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
