I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
