I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
