Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
