your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
