found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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