Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
