i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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