Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
