I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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