you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
