My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
