I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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