A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
