You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want to make out with him forever
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
