Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
