Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
