i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
