At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
