my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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