Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
