You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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