I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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