i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
