A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
is wine microwaveable?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
