either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
