Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
