ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
