i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
