She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
