What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
