When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
