Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize