I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
