Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
