remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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