I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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